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ted演講大集合(3)
主動(dòng)發(fā)現(xiàn)自己的美麗
人想要知覺(jué)自己的外貌,一般會(huì)采取三個(gè)辦法,我們可以在這個(gè)幾個(gè)辦法中尋找自我和自信。
1、照照鏡子。
人們獲取自己的外貌最簡(jiǎn)單的方法就是照鏡子,雖然鏡子中的呈像與光線,布局,結(jié)構(gòu),背景存在著關(guān)聯(lián),但卻是最可靠的方法之一。由于“曝光效應(yīng)”,一個(gè)東西出現(xiàn)的次數(shù)越多,我們?cè)饺菀桩a(chǎn)生積極的情感,我們每天起來(lái)照鏡子,洗漱完照鏡子,吃完飯照鏡子,睡覺(jué)前照鏡子,對(duì)別人的車(chē)窗照鏡子,走過(guò)路過(guò)也不錯(cuò)過(guò)玻璃幕墻。
重復(fù)的接受相同的刺激,就容易對(duì)刺激產(chǎn)生好感。我每天早上刷牙洗臉的時(shí)候看著鏡子里面的自己都想笑出聲來(lái),“真是太不好意了,我怎么可以這么好看哇!”
另外,破一個(gè)謠言:“照鏡子要比真實(shí)好看30%”,照鏡子的次數(shù)多了或許就會(huì)覺(jué)得好看一些,但能精確到30%這個(gè)說(shuō)法是缺乏科學(xué)依據(jù)的,度量標(biāo)準(zhǔn)是什么,合著是貼吧打分打出來(lái)的么?
2、聽(tīng)聽(tīng)評(píng)價(jià)
在人際交往中,人們都會(huì)或多或少的接觸別人對(duì)自己外貌的評(píng)價(jià),而這種評(píng)價(jià)也會(huì)影響到你對(duì)自己容貌的評(píng)價(jià)。
一般情況下,為了保持人際關(guān)系的良性發(fā)展,看到漂亮的,人們會(huì)贊美;看到自己覺(jué)得不漂亮的,人們會(huì)不當(dāng)面評(píng)價(jià),要評(píng)價(jià)也只是評(píng)價(jià)某一方面,或者強(qiáng)調(diào)內(nèi)在美的重要性,比如夸一個(gè)長(zhǎng)相一般的女生溫柔、賢惠、勤快、善良等。
每次買(mǎi)東西,都有人叫我?guī)浉?每次去理發(fā),人們都叫我美女。所以呢,一般人都會(huì)聽(tīng)到別人對(duì)自己的較好評(píng)價(jià),而這種較好評(píng)價(jià)也會(huì)對(duì)自己的知覺(jué)產(chǎn)生積極的影響。當(dāng)然要警惕消費(fèi)時(shí)候大家叫你美女帥哥哦,因?yàn)閮?nèi)心一喜悅,容易產(chǎn)生沖動(dòng)購(gòu)買(mǎi)呢!
3、找找證據(jù)
從某種意義上來(lái)說(shuō),人就像福爾摩斯一樣,一直在為自己的看法尋找支持的證據(jù)!白岳睢本褪窃谠u(píng)價(jià)自己時(shí),我們?yōu)榱司S護(hù)自己的自尊,自信而采取的保護(hù)自己的策略。人們不僅希望自己漂亮,更是覺(jué)得自己應(yīng)該漂亮。
這時(shí),人們?cè)诳创约旱娜菝驳臅r(shí)候,就想去找有利于證明自己漂亮的證據(jù),并且逐步的忽視其他不利因素,在心理學(xué)中和經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)中這叫“證實(shí)偏見(jiàn)”。所以嘛,人們總是能有點(diǎn)拿得出手的東西的:恩,我的眉毛不太好看,不過(guò)我的嘴巴可是非常像金城武哦,眼神也有一點(diǎn)梁朝偉的韻味的呢。
所以,對(duì)客觀事物的選擇性注重也會(huì)影響人的自我知覺(jué)。有人夸我長(zhǎng)得像陳慧琳,我就記得死死的,有人夸我長(zhǎng)得像鳳姐,我立馬裝得和沒(méi)有聽(tīng)到一樣。
實(shí)際上也有研究表明,覺(jué)得自己好看的人更容易交好運(yùn);谶@種認(rèn)知,那我們一定要昂首挺胸地走在大街上,我們要展現(xiàn)出我們的身體和美貌,畢竟我們誰(shuí)也不愿意做那20%的對(duì)自己不自信的人。要嚴(yán)肅地告訴自己,我比80%的人長(zhǎng)的好看,因?yàn)橛X(jué)得自己丑對(duì)你不利。
TED演講四:請(qǐng)別忘記感謝身邊的人
Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of praise, admiration and thank you, and having it be specific and genuine.
嗨。我在這里要和大家談?wù)勏騽e人表達(dá)贊美,傾佩和謝意的重要性。并使它們聽(tīng)來(lái)真誠(chéng),具體。
And the way I got interested in this was, I noticed in myself, when I was growing up, and until about a few years ago, that I would want to say thank you to someone, I would want to praise them, I would want to take in their praise of me and I'd just stop it. And I asked myself, why? I felt shy, I felt embarrassed. And then my question became, am I the only one who does this? So, I decided to investigate.
之所以我對(duì)此感興趣 是因?yàn)槲覐奈易约旱某砷L(zhǎng)中注意到幾年前,當(dāng)我想要對(duì)某個(gè)人說(shuō)聲謝謝時(shí),當(dāng)我想要贊美他們時(shí),當(dāng)我想接受他們對(duì)我的贊揚(yáng),但我卻沒(méi)有說(shuō)出口。我問(wèn)我自己,這是為什么?我感到害羞,我感到尷尬。接著我產(chǎn)生了一個(gè)問(wèn)題 難道我是唯一一個(gè)這么做的人嗎? 所以我決定做些探究。
I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility, so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction. And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as, their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them. But then, they hear from all the family and friends that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him, but he never told the son. It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.
我非常幸運(yùn)的在一家康復(fù)中心工作,所以我可以看到那些因?yàn)樯习a而面臨生與死的人。有時(shí)候這一切可以非常簡(jiǎn)單地歸結(jié)為, 他們最核心的創(chuàng)傷來(lái)自于他們父親到死都未說(shuō)過(guò)“他為他們而自豪”。但他們從所有其它家庭或朋友那里得知他的父親告訴其他人為他感到自豪,但這個(gè)父親從沒(méi)告訴過(guò)他兒子。因?yàn)樗恢浪膬鹤有枰?tīng)到這一切。
So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need? I know a gentleman, married for 25 years, who's longing to hear his wife say, "Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids," but won't ask. I know a woman who's good at this. She, once a week, meets with her husband and says, "I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids." And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great." And praise really does have to be genuine, but she takes responsibility for that. And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten, she thanks her children for doing their chores. And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"
因此我的問(wèn)題是,為什么我們不索求我們需要的東西呢?我認(rèn)識(shí)一個(gè)結(jié)婚25年的男士 渴望聽(tīng)到他妻子說(shuō)“感謝你為這個(gè)家在外賺錢(qián),這樣我才能在家陪伴著孩子,”但他從來(lái)不去問(wèn)。我認(rèn)識(shí)一個(gè)精于此道的女士。每周一次,她見(jiàn)到丈夫后會(huì)說(shuō),“我真的希望你為我對(duì)這個(gè)家和孩子們付出的努力而感謝我!彼麜(huì)應(yīng)和到“哦,真是太棒了,真是太棒了!辟潛P(yáng)別人一定要真誠(chéng), 但她對(duì)贊美承擔(dān)了責(zé)任。一個(gè)從我上幼兒園就一直是朋友的叫April的人,她會(huì)感謝她的孩子們做了家務(wù)。她說(shuō):“為什么我不表示感謝呢,即使他們本來(lái)就要做那些事情?”
So, the question is, why was I blocking it? Why were other people blocking it? Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare, I need size six shoes," but I won't say, "Would you praise me this way?" And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me. I'm telling you where I'm insecure. I'm telling you where I need your help. And I'm treating you, my inner circle, like you're the enemy. Because what can you do with that data? You could neglect me. You could abuse it. Or you could actually meet my need.
因此我的問(wèn)題是,為什么我不說(shuō)呢?為什么其它人不說(shuō)呢?為什么我能說(shuō):“我要一塊中等厚度的牛排,我需要6號(hào)尺寸的鞋子,”但我卻不能說(shuō):“你可以贊揚(yáng)我嗎?” 因?yàn)檫@會(huì)使我把我的重要信息與你分享。會(huì)讓我告訴了你我內(nèi)心的不安。會(huì)讓你認(rèn)為我需要你的幫助。雖然你是我最貼心的人,我卻把你當(dāng)作是敵人。你會(huì)用我托付給你的重要信息做些什么呢?你可以忽視我。你可以濫用它。或者你可以滿足我的要求。
And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this -- same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels. The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels, it's going to make the bike so much better." I get the same bike back, and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new. So, I'm going to challenge all of you. I want you to true your wheels: be honest about the praise that you need to hear. What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife -- go ask her, what does she need? Go home to your husband -- what does he need? Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.
我把我的自行車(chē)拿到車(chē)行--我喜歡這么做--同樣的自行車(chē),他們會(huì)對(duì)車(chē)輪做整形。那里的人說(shuō):“當(dāng)你對(duì)車(chē)輪做整形時(shí), 它會(huì)使自行車(chē)變成更好。”我把這輛自行車(chē)拿回來(lái),他們把有小小彎曲的鐵絲從輪子上拿走這輛車(chē)我用了2年半,現(xiàn)在還像新的一樣。所以我要問(wèn)在場(chǎng)的所有人,我希望你們把你們的車(chē)輪整形一下:真誠(chéng)面對(duì)對(duì)你們想聽(tīng)到的贊美。你們想聽(tīng)到什么呢?回家問(wèn)問(wèn)你們的妻子,她想聽(tīng)到什么?回家問(wèn)問(wèn)你們的丈夫,他想聽(tīng)到什么?回家問(wèn)問(wèn)這些問(wèn)題,并幫助身邊的人實(shí)現(xiàn)它們。
And it's simple. And why should we care about this? We talk about world peace. How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages? I think it starts household by household, under the same roof. So, let's make it right in our own backyard. And I want to thank all of you in the audience for being great husbands, great mothers, friends, daughters, sons. And maybe somebody's never said that to you, but you've done a really, really good job. And thank you for being here, just showing up and changing the world with your ideas.
非常簡(jiǎn)單。為什么要關(guān)心這個(gè)呢?我們談?wù)撌澜绾推健N覀冊(cè)趺从貌煌奈幕,不同的語(yǔ)言來(lái)保持世界和平? 我想要從每個(gè)小家庭開(kāi)始。所以讓我們?cè)诩依锞桶堰@件事情做好。我想要感謝所有在這里的人們因?yàn)槟銈兪呛谜煞,好母親,好伙伴,好女兒和好兒子;蛟S有些人從沒(méi)跟你們說(shuō)過(guò)但你們已經(jīng)做得非常非常得出色了。感謝你們來(lái)到這里,向世界顯示著你們的智慧,并用它們改變著世界。
TED演講五:你的態(tài)度決定了你的生活
我們中的每個(gè)人都伴著許許多多的理想長(zhǎng)大。然而,很多“夢(mèng)想計(jì)劃”,甚至連“立項(xiàng)”這一關(guān)都沒(méi)有通過(guò)。沒(méi)錯(cuò),太多夢(mèng)想都被各種原因“扼殺”了。
領(lǐng)英用戶Bel Pesce,是一位企業(yè)家,TED演講嘉賓,巴西“最有影響100人”稱號(hào)獲得者。在她看來(lái),以下6種生活態(tài)度,是最常見(jiàn)的終結(jié)夢(mèng)想的方式。改變自己,實(shí)現(xiàn)夢(mèng)想,就從改變這些生活方式開(kāi)始吧!
1、相信會(huì)有“一夜成名”這回事
你可能也聽(tīng)過(guò)很多類(lèi)似的故事:某某人20歲出頭,因?yàn)樵诙潭處滋靸?nèi)賣(mài)出一個(gè)手機(jī)App,身價(jià)飆升數(shù)百萬(wàn)美元。
類(lèi)似的故事或許是真實(shí)的。但如果留心,你一定能發(fā)現(xiàn)那家伙在創(chuàng)造這些App以前,在自己的領(lǐng)域可能已經(jīng)拿到了碩士甚至博士學(xué)位。而他醞釀這個(gè)點(diǎn)子的時(shí)間可能更長(zhǎng)。
所謂一夜成名是不存在的。
就像我創(chuàng)立FazINOVA公司一樣,這是一所巴西企業(yè)家學(xué)校。我清楚地意識(shí)到,如果我想成功推出一項(xiàng)產(chǎn)品,可能需要耗費(fèi)幾個(gè)月甚至更長(zhǎng)的時(shí)間。
所有的“一夜成名”背后都有無(wú)比艱辛的努力和汗水,這是他們所有努力成就的結(jié)果。
2、讓他人決定你的生活方式
如果幸運(yùn)的話,我們經(jīng)常會(huì)在我們從事的領(lǐng)域遇到比我們更有經(jīng)驗(yàn)的人。他會(huì)在你創(chuàng)建一個(gè)項(xiàng)目時(shí)給你提供經(jīng)驗(yàn)。這時(shí)候,你會(huì)虛心向他們學(xué)習(xí),并感謝他們對(duì)你的指點(diǎn)。
但是,最終決定事情要怎么做的人是你。
舉個(gè)例子,我堅(jiān)信數(shù)字和移動(dòng)時(shí)代將主導(dǎo)未來(lái),并且知道我應(yīng)該專注于一件事情。雖然很多人不看好,去年我還是下定決心,在提供數(shù)字課程以外,另外開(kāi)發(fā)一系列線下課程。雖然過(guò)程艱難,但事實(shí)證明,這樣的改變非常成功。
不妨將你的生活想象成一個(gè)亂七八糟的管道系統(tǒng)。
在你的人生通道上,有多種選擇管道的辦法。但是為了能達(dá)到一個(gè)理想的地方,每一次選擇你都必須自己決定,而不要讓別人給你做選擇。
雖然這樣的決定有時(shí)會(huì)讓你受傷,但是,你正走在你理想的道路上。
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