英語經(jīng)典笑話

　　導(dǎo)語：笑話是指以一句短語或一個小故事讓說話者和聽者之間覺得好笑，或是產(chǎn)生幽默感，另外一個行動（動作）型的笑話是以動作影響人的視覺及觀感，而感到好笑。以下是小編整理的英語笑話，希望你不開心時看了會笑。

　　經(jīng)典英語小笑話1：Five Months Older大五個月

　　The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

　　But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised.

　　"How old are you?" he said.

　　"Eighteen, sir," said John.

　　"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"

　　"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."

　　第二次世界大戰(zhàn)開始了，約翰想?yún)④�，可他只有十六歲，當(dāng)時規(guī)定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫(yī)給他進(jìn)行體檢時，他說他已經(jīng)十八歲了。

　　可約翰的哥哥剛?cè)胛闆]幾天，而且也是這個軍醫(yī)給他做的檢查。這位醫(yī)生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當(dāng)他看到約翰的表格時，感到非常驚奇。

　　“你多大了?”軍醫(yī)問。

　　“十八，長官�！奔s翰說。

　　“可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?”

　　約翰臉紅了，說：“哦，不是，長官，我哥哥比我大五個月�！�

　　經(jīng)典英語小笑話2：Give up your seat to a lady給女士讓座

　　Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."

　　"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.

　　"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

　　小強(qiáng)尼說：“媽媽，今天早上和爸爸在公車上時，他叫我讓座給一位女士。”

　　媽媽說：“你做得很對呀�！�

　　“但是，媽媽，我是坐在爸爸膝蓋上的�！�

　　經(jīng)典英語小笑話3：jump up and down

　　Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?

　　Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.

　　媽媽：你為什么不停地跳上跳下的?

　　湯姆：我剛吃完藥，可我忘了先搖動瓶子了

　　經(jīng)典英語小笑話4：Put your feet in把腳放進(jìn)去

　　The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"

　　一個女學(xué)生坐在座位上，嘴里起勁地嚼著口香糖，腳卻伸到課桌間的走道里，被老師發(fā)現(xiàn)了。“瑪麗!”老師嚴(yán)厲地叫她。“什么事，老師?”這女學(xué)生問�！鞍芽谙闾菑淖炖锬贸鰜�，把腳放進(jìn)去�！�

　　經(jīng)典英語小笑話5：他的耳朵在我衣兜里

　　Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"

　　"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

　　"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

　　"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

　　伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問，“發(fā)生了什么事?”

　　“一個男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說。

　　“再見到他你能認(rèn)出來嗎?”媽媽問。

　　“他走到哪里我都能認(rèn)出他，”伊凡說�！八�的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢�！�

　　經(jīng)典英語小笑話6：愚蠢的問題Stupid Question

　　Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?"

　　After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.

　　“Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily.

　　But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?”

　　丹在一個大城市的某個俱樂部當(dāng)守門人。每天都有數(shù)千人經(jīng)過他的門口，而且許多人都會停下來問他:“請問現(xiàn)在幾點(diǎn)?”

　　幾個月后，丹想:“我不想再回答這些蠢人提出的問題了，我要去買一只大鐘，把它掛在這兒的墻上。”于是他買了一只鐘，把它掛在了墻上。

　　“現(xiàn)在人們總不會再停下來問我時間了�！彼�高興地想。

　　可是打那以后，每天仍有許多人停下來，看看鐘，然后問丹:“這鐘準(zhǔn)嗎?”

　　經(jīng)典英語小笑話7： Intelligent son 聰明的兒子

　　One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.

　　After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"

　　"Certainly"

　　"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"

　　"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."

　　"Then why you didn't take it back?"

　　"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"

　　有一天,父親讓八歲的兒子去寄一封信,兒子已經(jīng)拿著信跑了,父親才想起信封上沒寫地址和收信人的名字。

　　兒子回來后,父親問他:“你把信丟進(jìn)郵筒了嗎?” “當(dāng)然”“你沒看見信封上沒有寫地址和收信人名字嗎?”

　　“我當(dāng)然看見信封上什么也沒寫”“那你為什么不拿回來呢?”

　　“我還以為你不寫地址和收信人,是為了不想讓我知道你把信寄給誰呢!”

　　經(jīng)典英語小笑話8：我希望您的面包病好了

　　I was making rolls and, needing a warm place for the dough to rise, put the bowl in a heating pad. Then I left the house on an errand(使命，差事) . When I came back, I found this note from my son: "Dear Mom, I hope your bread gets better."

　　我在做面包，需要把面團(tuán)放在一個暖和點(diǎn)的地方使它發(fā)起來。我把面盆放在電熱褥里，后來就出去干別的活去了。等我回家時，發(fā)現(xiàn)兒子留下一張紙條，上面寫著：“親愛的媽媽，我希望您的面包已經(jīng)病好了。”

　　經(jīng)典英語小笑話9：A Present 凱特的禮物

　　Kate: Mom, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday?

　　Mom: No, Honey, what?

　　Kate: A nice teapot.

　　Mom: But I've got a nice teapot.

　　Kate: No, you haven't. I've just dropped it.

　　凱特：媽媽，你知道我要給你一件什么生日禮物嗎?

　　媽媽：不知道，寶貝，是什么呀?

　　凱特：一把漂亮的茶壺。

　　媽媽：可是我已經(jīng)有一把漂亮的茶壺了呀。

　　凱特：不，你沒有了。我剛剛把它給摔了。

　　經(jīng)典英語小笑話10：Two Birds 兩只鳥

　　Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

　　Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

　　Teacher: Please tell us.

　　Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

　　老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎?

　　學(xué)生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

　　老師：請說說看。

　　學(xué)生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。

　　經(jīng)典英語小笑話11：這有多嬌生慣養(yǎng)啊

　　The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled(被寵壞的) . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(亂發(fā)脾氣) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.

　　When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.

　　Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?

　　Cry? John asked. No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!

　　六歲的約翰嬌生慣養(yǎng)。他的父親知道這一點(diǎn)，可他的祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是鬧。他第一天上學(xué)才離開祖母的懷抱。

　　約翰放學(xué)了，他奶奶在門口接他并問道：學(xué)校怎么樣?你過的好嗎?哭了沒有?

　　哭?約翰問，不，我沒哭，可老師哭了。

　　經(jīng)典爆笑英語小故事閱讀

　　篇二:英語口語小笑話

　　在繁忙的生活中，也要偶爾放松自己的心情。下面小編為大家?guī)�來�?jīng)典爆笑英語小故事四則，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　經(jīng)典爆笑英語小故事12：余音

　　About to be shipped out on a long tour of duty over-seas，I had called my wife from a coin-operated telephone at an Army camp on the West Coast. As I walked away，the phone rang，and I answered it，expecting to be told of extra charges. "I thought you'd like to know,"the operator said,"that just after you hung up，the woman said,'I love you. "

　　即將因工作遠(yuǎn)征出海，我就在西海岸軍營地用一個投幣電話給我的妻子撥了個電話。我剛要離開，電話鈴響了。我估計(jì)是讓我交超時費(fèi)，所以只好去接。接話員說:“我想你可能想知道，你剛掛斷電話，那個女的就說‘我愛你’�！�

　　經(jīng)典爆笑英語小故事13：盡管讀

　　When we work evenings .we often order take-out food at the office.One night we all gave our orders to Sharon, who wrote the selections on a self-stick note. Unable to find our list when she arrived at the fastfood restaurant, Sharon stepped up to the counter. But before she could speak, the cashier recited the exact order. " How could you possibly know that?"asked Sharon.

　　在我晚上上夜班的辦公室，大家常常訂些外賣食品來吃。一天夜里，我們都找沙倫訂了食品。她把訂單列在一張不干膠的紙條上。等她到了飯店時，怎么也找不到那張訂單了。沙倫走到柜臺前，還沒等她說話，收銀員就背出了所有大家訂的東西。沙倫問:“你怎么會知道這些的呢?”

　　"Tt's right there," replied the cashier,"stuck to your chest."

　　“它就在這兒，”收銀頁說:“貼在了你的胸前�！�

　　經(jīng)典爆笑英語小故事14：拍賣

　　When we decided to sell our house, we nailed "FOR SALE BY OWNER" signs on two trees in our front yard. Before long，the doorbell rang.”How much are you asking for the treesp"a young man asked.

　　我們決定賣掉我們的房子。于是，我們就在院前的大樹上釘了兩塊牌子，上面寫著:“拍賣�！睕]過多久，我們的門鈴就響了。一位年輕人問:“你們的樹想賣多少錢?”

　　經(jīng)典爆笑英語小故事15：解決難題

　　ome friends and I stopped at an ice-cream parlor.where I asked for my favorite，a hot-fudge sundae with chocolate ice cream. But when the waitress brought our orders，I saw that mine had vanilla ice cream. " I ordered chocolate,"I pointed out.

　　我和一位朋友來到一家冰淇琳店。我要了一個我最喜歡吃的巧克力奶油圣代。當(dāng)女招待送來我的冰淇淋時，我發(fā)現(xiàn)我的冰淇沐是香草的。我說:“我要的是巧克力的�！�

　　The young woman consulted her order pad and responded，"So you did. I'll take it back and get chocolate."

　　那位年輕的女士查了一下訂單回答說:“你確實(shí)要的是巧克力的。我把它拿回去，再給你拿一個巧克力的�！�

　　“Never mind，”I said.”I don't like to see anything wasted."

　　“沒關(guān)系，”我說:“我不想浪費(fèi)東西。”

　　"Nothing is wasted around here!"she insisted.“We eat our mistakes. "

　　“這兒什么也浪費(fèi)不了，”女招待堅(jiān)持說:“我們吃掉自己的錯誤�！�

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