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經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)冷笑話
導(dǎo)語(yǔ)：冷笑話，即失敗笑話，是指笑話本身因?yàn)闊o(wú)聊、諧音字、翻譯、或省去主語(yǔ)、不同邏輯、斷語(yǔ)或特殊內(nèi)容等問題，或由于表演者語(yǔ)氣或表情等原因，導(dǎo)致一個(gè)笑話不能達(dá)到好笑的目的，較難引人發(fā)笑而成冷場(chǎng)，不過(guò)并不代表笑話本身沉悶，這也是幽默的一種表現(xiàn)。以下是小編收集的英語(yǔ)冷笑話，歡迎閱讀！
1、A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. "Now, children," said she , "has anyone of you ever make someone else glad?"
"Please, teacher,"said a small boy,"I've make someone glad yesterday."
"Well done. Who was that?"
"My granny."
"Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad."
"Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home,' and she said, 'Well, I'm glad'!"
1、一個(gè)主日學(xué)校校(基督教教會(huì)為了向兒童灌輸宗教思想, 在星期天開辦的兒童班)的老師在對(duì)學(xué)生講使別人高興的重要性�！艾F(xiàn)在，孩子們，”她說(shuō)：“你們當(dāng)中有誰(shuí)讓別人高興過(guò)？”
“我，老師，”一個(gè)小男孩說(shuō)：“昨天我就使別人高興過(guò)�！�
“做得好，是誰(shuí)呢？”
“我奶奶�！�
“好孩子。現(xiàn)在告訴我們，你是怎樣使你奶奶高興的�！�
“是這樣的，老師。我昨天去看她，在她那兒呆了三個(gè)小時(shí)。然后我跟她說(shuō)：‘奶奶，我要回家了�！f(shuō)：‘啊，我很高興！’”
2、An artist was part of an exhibition, and he asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings that were currently on display.
"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied.
"Give me the good news first," the artist demanded.
"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What could the bad news possibly be?"
With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The gentleman in question was your doctor."
2、以為藝術(shù)家在一個(gè)畫廊辦了個(gè)展覽，他問店主是否有人對(duì)他參展的畫感興趣。
“我有一個(gè)好消息和一個(gè)壞消息。”店主回答。
“先告訴我好消息�！碑嫾乙蟮�。
“好消息是一位紳士詢問了你的作品，還問它是否會(huì)在你死后增。我告訴他會(huì)的，然后他買下了你所有的15幅畫作。”
“那太棒了！”畫家驚嘆。“那么什么會(huì)是壞消息呢？”
店主想了想之后說(shuō)：“問那個(gè)問題的是你的醫(yī)生”。
3、"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."
The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"
3、"法官先生，我的當(dāng)事人被指控偷竊，這是多么不公正啊。他一周前才來(lái)到紐約，幾乎不認(rèn)路。而且，他只會(huì)說(shuō)幾個(gè)英語(yǔ)單詞。"
法官看了看被告，問道："你會(huì)說(shuō)多少英文?"
被告抬起頭，說(shuō)："把你的錢包給我!"
4、Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
4、小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢干什么了？”
“我給了一個(gè)可憐的老太婆，”他回答說(shuō)。 “你真是個(gè)好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說(shuō)�！霸俳o你兩分錢�？赡銥槭裁磳�(duì)那位老太太那么感興趣呢？”
“她是個(gè)賣糖果的�！�
5、 Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft(閣樓) and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away.
Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry(鐘樓) and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated(熏制) , and they still won’t go away.
The third said, I baptized(洗禮) all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since!
5、三個(gè)南部的牧師在一家小餐館里吃午飯。其中的一個(gè)說(shuō)道：“你們知道嗎，自從夏天來(lái)臨，我的教堂的閣樓和頂樓就被蝙蝠騷擾，我用盡了一切辦法----噪音、噴霧、貓----似乎什么都不能把它們趕走。”
另外一位說(shuō)：“是啊，我也是。在我的鐘樓和閣樓也有好幾百只。我曾經(jīng)請(qǐng)人把整個(gè)地方用煙熏消毒一遍，它們還是趕不走�！�
第三個(gè)牧師說(shuō)：“我為我那里的所有蝙蝠洗禮，讓它們成為教會(huì)的一員......從此一只也沒有再回來(lái)過(guò)�！�
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