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辦公室交談?chuàng)Q話題的征兆
Like most people, I have several pet subjects – that may or may not be interesting to other people. Don’t get me started on happiness, or habits, or children’s literature, or Winston Churchill, unless you really want to talk about it.
和多數(shù)人一樣，我有那么幾種喜歡的聊天話題——而那對(duì)其他人而言或許不那么有趣。別和我談?wù)撚嘘P(guān)幸福、習(xí)慣、兒童文學(xué)或者溫斯頓-丘吉爾的話題，除非你真的想談?wù)撃切?/p>
By noting how I behave when I’m trying to hide my own boredom, I came up with a list of indicators that I might be boring someone:
通過(guò)注意我自己試圖掩蓋無(wú)聊時(shí)的動(dòng)作，我想出了一些我可能令別人感到無(wú)聊了的征兆。
1. Repeated, perfunctory responses. A person who says, “Oh really? Oh really? That’s interesting. Oh really?” is probably not very engaged. Or a person who keeps saying, “That’s hilarious.”
1.重復(fù)、敷衍的回答。一個(gè)總是說(shuō)“哦，是嗎?哦，是嗎?太有趣了。哦，是嗎?”的人恐怕對(duì)談話沒(méi)什么興趣。
2. Simple questions. People who are bored ask simple questions. “When did you move?” “Where did you go?” People who are interested ask more complicated questions that show curiosity, not mere politeness.
2.提簡(jiǎn)單的問(wèn)題。人們感到無(wú)聊時(shí)會(huì)問(wèn)簡(jiǎn)單的問(wèn)題�！澳闶裁磿r(shí)候搬家的?”“你去哪兒了?”真正感興趣的人會(huì)問(wèn)些更復(fù)雜的問(wèn)題，那表現(xiàn)出了他們的好奇，而不僅僅是出于禮貌。
3. Interruption. Although it sounds rude, interruption is actually a good sign, I think. It means a person is bursting to say something, and that shows interest. Similarly…
3.打斷。雖然那聽(tīng)上去有些粗魯，但我認(rèn)為打斷別人實(shí)際上是個(gè)很好的信號(hào)。那意味著某人非常想要說(shuō)些什么，也表現(xiàn)了他的興趣。以此類推……
4. Imbalance of talking time. I suspect that many people fondly suppose that they do eighty percent of the talking because people find them fascinating. Sometimes, it’s true, a discussion involves a huge download of information; that’s a very satisfying kind of conversation. In general, though, people want to add their own opinions, information, and experiences. If they aren’t doing that, they may just want the conversation to end faster.
4.說(shuō)話時(shí)間的不平衡。我估計(jì)很多人都天真地認(rèn)為他們之所以80%的時(shí)間都在講話是因?yàn)槁?tīng)的人覺(jué)得他們很有趣。有時(shí)候，當(dāng)這個(gè)對(duì)話包含了大量的信息時(shí)，這是對(duì)的，這會(huì)是一次非常愉快的談話。但是總體而言，人們總是希望談他們自己的看法、知識(shí)或者經(jīng)驗(yàn)。假如他們不那么做，或許他們僅僅希望談話早點(diǎn)結(jié)束而已。
5. Body position. People with a good connection generally turn fully to face each other. A person who is partially turned away isn’t fully embracing the conversation. I pay special attention to body position when I’m in a meeting and trying to show (or feign) interest: I sit forward in my chair, and keep my attention obviously focused on whoever is speaking, instead of looking down at papers, gazing into space, or checking my phone (!).
5.身體姿勢(shì)。那些做著很好交流的人大多會(huì)完全直面對(duì)方。而那些側(cè)身相對(duì)的人則并沒(méi)有完全融入對(duì)話。我在開(kāi)會(huì)時(shí)對(duì)身體姿勢(shì)相當(dāng)注意，我總是試圖表現(xiàn)(或者假裝)我很感興趣：我會(huì)坐直，明顯地把我的注意力集中在任何正在講話的人身上，而不是低頭看紙、對(duì)空發(fā)呆或者看手機(jī)。
Along the same lines, if you’re a speaker trying to figure out if an audience is interested in what you’re saying:
同理，如果你是講話的人，而你想要看出觀眾是否對(duì)你講的話有興趣：
6. Audience posture. Back in 1885, Sir Francis Galton wrote a paper in 1885 called “The Measurement of Fidget.” He determined that people slouch and lean when bored, so a speaker can measure the boredom of an audience by seeing how far from vertically upright they are. Also, attentive people fidget less; bored people fidget more. An audience that’s upright and still is interested, while an audience that’s horizontal and squirmy is bored.
6.觀眾動(dòng)作。早在1885年，弗朗西斯-加爾頓爵士寫(xiě)了一篇名為“煩躁的測(cè)量”的論文。他認(rèn)為人們?cè)诟械綗o(wú)聊時(shí)會(huì)沒(méi)精打采或身體傾斜。所以說(shuō)話者可以通過(guò)觀察觀眾的身體姿勢(shì)距離筆直有多遠(yuǎn)來(lái)推測(cè)他們的無(wú)聊程度。而且，全神貫注的人不太會(huì)煩躁，而感到無(wú)聊的人則更可能煩躁。一位身板挺直的觀眾是對(duì)話題感興趣的，而一位坐立不安，東倒西歪的觀眾則覺(jué)得很無(wú)聊。
I also remind myself of La Rochefoucauld's observation: “We are always bored by those whom we bore.” If I’m bored, there’s a good chance the other person is bored, too. Time to find a different subject.
我也用拉羅什福科的話提醒自己：“我們總是會(huì)對(duì)那些會(huì)覺(jué)得我們無(wú)聊的人感到無(wú)聊”。當(dāng)我覺(jué)得無(wú)聊時(shí)，對(duì)方有可能也覺(jué)得無(wú)聊。是時(shí)候換個(gè)別的話題了。
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